just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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