I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
