Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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