Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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