Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
