I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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