let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
