are you so shy because you have an std?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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