if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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