Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
