I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
