fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
