Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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