Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
