i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
