I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
