I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
