plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
