Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
