It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
