I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
