My first STD was from a foam party
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
