He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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