i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
