Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
