my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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