Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
