There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
