i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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