Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
