AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
