Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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