At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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