she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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