You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
