Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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