i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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