Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There r osticjed everywhere
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
