Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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