I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who died my cat blue again?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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