i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
