I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
