I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
