I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
