Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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