Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
