$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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