just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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