Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
