At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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