I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
