new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
