apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
