Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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