my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
