I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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