i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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