grandma shit on top of the toilet
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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