If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
