My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
