we're blogging at a bar
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
