Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want her autograph on my taint
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
