"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
