Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How's work?
Spinning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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