I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We left an ass print on the piano.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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