how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
