Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
