Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
