one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
