who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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