only you would photoshop your dick
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
