I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
