how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
