she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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