I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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