I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Quick, to the slutcave!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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