Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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