I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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